If you’ve been keeping up with my adventures, you know that “Cathy” stood me up on our proposed ‘smoking date’ Monday. She offered what she referred to as a ‘rain check’ and — since I kind of figured I wasn’t exactly going to be able to take that check to the bank — I decided to let Cathy slide back into the recesses of my consciousness.
For a few days there I got to imagine the positively delicious happenstance of Cathy sitting next to me in the park, lighting my cigarette, and talking to me about whatever a thirty-three year old woman can think of to talk about with a self-deluded fifty-nine year old man who’s recently been freed from a very long term marriage. (That sentence doesn’t exactly put the best light on my ex, does it?) A few days of fantasy fun for Charon’s Aide followed by … you guessed it! … reality!
So, did I do what a realistic, sensible man would do? Did I expel from my mind all thoughts of far-too-young-for-me women and try to set my sights on the companionship of a more mature, more experienced lady? No way, Camel Jose! I found myself recalling that little “practice” date I had back in October and that curious moment when Agnes slipped away from our drinking spot at the bar so she could smoke herself a discreet little smoke — and then, a little while later, smoke another smoke. Remember Agnes?
OK, I know I’m sick with this. I know there’s too much smoking appreciation going on in my brain for me to think straight. In other words, I know I’m a fucking idiot, but — despite the fact that she’d firmly turned down my previous offers of another “practice” date — I gave Agnes a call yesterday.
Yeah, I know. Dumb idea. Real dumb idea!…. It was just that there were visions of sugar plums clouding my judgment. Actually the vision was more like that of me heading into some dive in town, knocking down a few shots with Agnes and then staggering outside with her for a smoke. Very respectable of me, huh?
Phone rang. Agnes answered, and I went into action. “So, Agnes, it’s Charon’s Aide here, just wondering how you’re doing…”
At this point, I’m so taken away by my own fantasies that I don’t even have the good sense to be nervous and worried over the very likely possibility that Agnes will simply hang up on me.
“… and, you know, I was thinking that — maybe if you’ve got nothing else going — you and I might get together on Thursday…”
Then comes the humiliating rejection! Except. Except. Except she threw me for a loop!
“That sounds great, CA, let’s text each other that morning and we’ll work out the details.”
The details, darling Agnes, have been worked out in this overwrought brain of mine for quite some time; but I’ll be more than happy to text you.
Who’da thunk it?
OK, OK… We haven’t even gotten to the good part!!! You see, just a few hours ago I got a text from — are you ready for this? — Cathy. Remember Cathy? Turns out she means to make good on her ‘rain check’.
“I’ll be going for coffee at eight, tomorrow,” she texted, “and I think it would be fun to go to that park you mentioned. Are you up for it?”
Up for it??? That’s a phrase, dear Cathy, that a fellow could take two ways!
Yeah, I’m up for it all right! Up for it, down with it, straight ahead psyched about it!
Get the picture friends? Tomorrow I have not one, but two dates with very young, very hot, very personable, women smokers who are making an effort to spend time with me — and, presumably, to ignite a few fantasies in this tired old brain of mine.
And that, if you can believe it, doesn’t even take into account the fact that I’m having lunch tomorrow with Lucille (not her real name). No, honest! — an actual, real life, hot, young female who simply said ‘yes’ when I asked her if she liked Mexican. No time to elaborate on that now. I’ll write about her on a later post.
You guys think I’m kidding you. You think I’m fucking pulling your leg. You think I messing with your mind — but I’m NOT! I’ve got dates with three different young women, each of whom is half my age, all coming up tomorrow.
Some guys, they say, have all the luck. And, by “some guys”, I mean me!